Archive for November, 2009

The very last hope that somehow all of this was just a really weird series of coincidences and that there may be some sort of explanation that would not permanently sully the character of Tiger Woods ended today when it was announced that he would not be even attending his own charity tournament this weekend.

Now, there is no doubt about it. Tiger Woods is a lying coward.

Even after all the missteps of the past couple of days, if Tiger had shown up, done his press conference, finally told the whole truth, played his guts out and donated his winnings to to his foundation, it would have been possible to forgive him and perhaps eventually restore him to his place atop the lofty pedestal that he alone had seemingly been to born to occupy. We learned today that is not going to happen. 

Why is he not going to be there? The “explanation” given is clearly drawn from the same pile of horse manure from which almost everything from the Woods camp on this issue has come. He claims on his web site that doctors have advised him not to travel because of headaches and soreness from the minor car “accident” he was in over three days ago. 

So let’s get this straight. Tiger was released from the hospital Friday morning in “good” condition with “minor” injuries when his agent pronounced him “fine,” and now he can’t fly in his own private jet?

Please, if you believe that then you must also buy that the most likely explanation for Elin taking a golf club to Tiger’s car the day after allegations of an affair are revealed was to try and “courageously” save him. Heck, even Tiger’s mother knows that didn’t happen!    

This is the guy who won the U.S. Open with a broken leg! Even last year when he was recovering from that injury he was at least at this tournament to give out the trophy (which, btw, won’t happen for another six days! Gee, I wonder why he has to make that call now? Is someone else using the jet this weekend?), but apparently his fear of the media and the truth is so great that he has decided to completely and selfishly stiff his own charity and blatantly lie about why he is doing so.   

Think about this. Tiger Woods has chosen to badly hurt his own tournament and foundation (which had already been harmed by his absence last year) all because he is afraid to answer questions from the media. It is really hard to fathom how such gutlessness can come from a guy who on the course seems to have nerves of steel. I guess Tiger’s true character had never really been tested until now and we just found out it has a glass jaw.

The only small caveat to all of this is that it would seem that part of the reason Tiger is afraid to speak to anyone is that he is concerned about exposing his wife to further embarrassment and perhaps legal jeopardy (a theory that, while widespread, seems to be more than a  bit of a stretch since Tiger would obviously be needed to testify for any potential assault charges to stick to Elin).

For the “Pastor,” this announcement is actually by far the most important thing that has happened since the crash. It is the first time that there have been real public consequnces  to what happened (and make no mistake, many people will be hurt directly and indirectly by Tiger’s cowardly decision) and it also seems to seal off any legitimate question about how much Tiger is trying to hide here. For him to repeatedly refuse to speak to police and to blow off his own tournament out of fear of the media you know the story he is protecting must be REALLY bad (good?). His decsion to not even show up also puts the lie to his absurd “this is all private assertio” that some suck-ups in the media are still using to protect him. Elemets of this story may have ben private before his withdraw, but anything that led to this development is now most certainly very much fair game.

The media angle here has been particularly fascinating.  Tiger is used to totally dictating to the pathetic golf/sports press the terms of all of his interactions. Usually, they need him way more than he needs them.  I thought it was possible that Tiger may be able to stonewall his way through this week’s tournament and have the Golf Channel (which is carrying half of the event) dutifully swallow his company line and pretend that nothing was amiss.

However, it now clear from today’s coverage that this tactic would not have worked and, considering the closeness of the relationship between the Orlando based Golf Channel and Tiger, this may have even contributed to his decision to dodge the coming circus that he could not have controlled.

I was stunned that in a Golf Channel special on the subject today Tiger was portrayed in a very negative light and while the affair allegations were still being kept in the closet, very strong implications in that direction were made. In the latest example of the bizarreness of this situation, Tiger’s biggest defender on the show was former O.J. Simpson attorney Robert Shapiro!. Much like when President Johnson lost Walter Cronkite on Vietnam, Tiger’s strategy has to be greatly impacted as it seems he is even losing his grip on the Golf Channel.

While it is obviously not nearly as important a development, Tiger has already lost the Pastor of the First Church of Tiger Woods and I am willing to bet that I am hardly the only one of his former fans who are shocked, angry and bitterly disappointed at the deceitful and cowardly actions that Tiger continues to take as he digs his hole deeper and deeper.

He is certainly avoiding short term discomfort and maybe even protecting some of the things he holds dearest in the long run, but he has unquestionably and probably permenently squandered our trust as well as any  reason to treat him differently than anything other than just another selfish and spoiled athlete.

I will be making an official announcement about the future of this web site shortly.

Tiger Woods finally released a somewhat substantive statement on the events of the past few days and it seems pretty clear to the “Pastor” that, unfortunately, Tiger is taking his game plan right out of Bill Clinton’s playbook.

 Instead of accepting the heartfelt advice I offered in my open letter to Tiger (see below), it seems that Tiger and his people have decided that, instead of telling the full truth, they are going to rely on the golfer’s power and celebrity and count on an impotent media and a gullible public to allow him to slither through the controversy.

 Parsing Tiger’s carefully worded statement is all too reminiscent of days of Clinton/Lewinsky/Impeachment.

 Tiger says “this situation is my fault.” Situation? What does that mean? In the world he wants us to believe exists, the only thing that happened here was a weird car accident in his own driveway. How is that a “situation”? Why didn’t he just say, “the crash was my fault”? And if that is really all that it was, why didn’t he give us some sort of explanation for why the world’s greatest athlete couldn’t manage to drive his own car out of his own driveway? Heck, I am sure it must be a pretty funny story. Why not humor us with that “truth”?

 He continues, “I’m human and I’m not perfect. I will certainly make sure this doesn’t happen again.” Obviously Tiger declaring that he is indeed human is of particular interest to the First Church and will certainly contribute to our impending decision to disband this website in light of this week’s revelations. But within the context of this “situation” that phrase is also important because it is essentially acknowledging the affair without actually doing so. Remember Clinton saying “I have made mistakes in my marriage”? This is the Tiger Woods equivalent.    

 As for the second part of that statement, what exactly is he going to make sure doesn’t happen again? Running over fire hydrants at 2:30 am???  So, what, is he finally going to hire a full-time driver?

 This is a classic case of trying to have it both ways. He wants us to believe that there is nothing more to this whole thing, but, if we are too smart to buy such absurdity, he has added just enough for us to go there, just as long as we agree to leave him alone and not expect any further explanation or accountability. In short, he is trying to thread the needle and, given the nature of the media (not to mention the Clinton precedent), he might just get away with it.

 Tiger continues channeling Bill Clinton when he later refers to this “situation” as a “private matter.” Since when is a car accident involving the world’s most famous athlete that takes out a fire hydrant, a “private matter”? Now, if he is talking about having sex with a “party girl” who is not his wife then that might be another matter, but he has, of course, not directly admitted doing that. .

 In the very same paragraph he does, however, (coincidentally I am sure) refer to the “rumors” that have been spread about his family. He calls them “irresponsible” but not “false” (though later he does claim that the allegation that Elin was not acting “courageously” when she busted his back window with a golf club are “false”).

 Again, this is quintessential Clinton. I am sure that at least some of the “reporting” (at TMZ for instance) has not been accurate, and so when you make this sort of blanket statement you are techincally telling the turth while also conveying a very false impression.      

 It seems pretty clear that Tiger is allowing himself to take a huge PR hit (I would have bet just about anything I would never hear the words “Tiger Woods refuses to talk to police, again”) in order to protect his wife from further embarrassment and possible legal charges. While this is in part admirable, if he had been more concerned with Elin’s well being when he decided to start screwing around on her, obviously none of this would have happened.

 It is also fairly obvious that Tiger (like Clinton did)  is going to attempt to continue to go about normal life without even having to answer any questions about what really happened here. With his tournament coming up this week you would think such a tactic would be impossible to pull off, but I have learned to never underestimate the gutlessness of the media when it comes to getting to the truth of the matter about one of their cash cows/darlings (see Barack Obama).

 Assuming he has the courage to show up this week (the statement seems to set the foundation for a pull out), Tiger will probably issue the verbal equivilant of his writen statement and declare that he is not going to answer any other questions on the matter. The pathetic golf press who literally owes what they eat to Tiger, will eagerly comply. While the entertainment media will object, but they will quickly move on to others matters.

 In the end, this gambit, while disgraceful, may work much like it did for Bill Clinton. It’s just that previous to this sad episode I had always held Tiger to a much higher standard than that.

Dear Tiger:

 First, let me acknowledge that, like many of your fans, I owe you a heck of a  lot. In fact, according to the book “Follow the Roar” I might not even be alive if it weren’t for having your inspiring play to look forward to during some very dark days in the mid 90’s after my mother was killed in a car accident.

 While that might be an exaggeration, there is no doubt that I have invested an awful lot of hope for humanity in you. I don’t think much of human beings and your awe-inspiring performances on the course and your flawless handling of unprecedented challenges off of it made me believe that maybe, just maybe, our species wasn’t a total waste of complex DNA.  

 In return for all of the amazing moments of exhilaration that you have given to me and millions of your other devoted fans, I have spent much of the last fourteen years completely dedicated to you. I have exhausted an uncountable number of hours watching and rooting for you and have put my personal credibility on the line (and probably lost jobs because of it) to create the largely misunderstood First Church of Tiger Woods and www.TigerWoodsIsGod.com.

 While I have been mocked by many (including many in my own family), I have never questioned or regretted my loyalty to you because I was so certain that you were the unique celebrity who actually deserved the lofty status of role model and even hero. In an era when an unsoiled celebrity was as rare as you shooting 80, you were the exception that gave us all some hope. I even convinced myself that you were poised to one day be the conservative/libertarian version of Obama and would eventually be President of the United States once you were done doing more important things like breaking all of Jack Nicklaus’ records.

 Now, after your “accident” early this morning I feel like a complete fool. I have apparently been duped and I am angry. Real angry.

 Tiger, it seems pretty clear now that you have been lying quite a bit.

 When the National Enquirer story came out saying you have been playing a “course” to which you didn’t have membership, I didn’t believe it (even though this was the type of story that the Enquirer is usually pretty good at; just ask John Edwards). Even if you were weak enough to cheat on the mother of your children, the “party girl” they connected you to seemed way too slutty and risky for you to ever be stupid enough to shack up with. I figured, at the very least, you had earned the benefit of the doubt.

 The moment that I heard about your “accident,” that doubt came to an instant end. While of course I was concerned for your health (I have always feared that, like many other prodigies in history, you would be taken from us far too early), once it was clear you were okay, the true magnitude of your betrayal began to really sink in.

 It was immediately obvious that the story that was being told in the media made no sense at all. The remarkably long delay from the time of the “accident” and any statement from your people meant that you were either dying/dead, or they were scrambling for a cover story. The one they apparently came up with didn’t even pass the laugh test (how much are you paying these people?!).

 Yes, I know, your many friends in the pathetic sports/golf media pretended to believe the tale that you somehow crashed your car into a fire hydrant for no apparent reason at 2:30 am and that the back window of the SUV was smashed because your wife Elin used a golf club to heroically save you from the crash (which was so minor that the airbags didn’t even deploy!). How they kept a straight face while reporting this bit of obvious fiction is almost remarkable as your epic 2008 U.S.  Open victory.  

 As of this writing, the media, amazingly, is largely still covering for you. But you should know that this will quickly change. The real story here is far too juicy for these gutless jackals who live off your coattails to possibly resist once someone finally breaks the damn with the truth.

 It is obvious that Elin was the one who created your injuries and who caused the car accident. She did not use the golf club to save you. She clearly did so out of anger over your infidelity (my fiance is now such a fan of her that she is considering selling “Team Elin” T-shirts at your tournament next week).

Your blatant lies are beneath who I thought you were and maybe the most embarrassing element of this whole mess you have created.  Depending on what you told the police, they may even be illegal.

 Legal issues might not even be the worst consequence you have to face for all of this. Wait until your mother gets a hold of you. She won’t need to be wielding a golf club to make you wish you been born without a penis.

 I still can’t believe that I am even writing about any of this. The only thing I was more certain about than your place as the greatest golfer of all time was that you would never embarrass your fans. Now you are insulting us with a humiliating series of lies. You are now no better than any other spoiled superstar who has been corrupted by the fame and fortune. I allowed myself to think you were different. Apparently, I was very wrong.

 I don’t want to believe any of this, but at this point you leave me with no other choice. If I am missing something here please give it up. Now.

 You may be tempted to try and keep the charade going and see if maybe a certain percentage of your fans, blinded by love, will still see your legacy as unsoiled, and that the media won’t finally turn on you. Please don’t take this path. Please be the man who defied all human limitations at Torrey Pines and not the broken coward who concocted a pathetic cover story while lying in his driveway bleeding from injuries apparently suffered from the hands of a scorned wife.

 Please call a press conference first thing Monday morning. Please take any and all questions. Please tell the full truth. Please don’t cry fake tears. Please don’t pull out of your tournament next week. Please don’t drag Elin and your kids there with you. Please apologize for your lies. Please promise to never let anything like this happen again. Please really mean it.

 I know that I am holding you to a higher standard than anyone else in sports, but, being rather stubborn and still in a bit of shock, I would still like to think you are worthy of such treatment. I was wrong once and that will be tough enough to recover from. Please don’t prove me wrong again. 

In what very well may be the beginning of the end of the First Church, it appears that the events surrounding Tiger’s crash are simply impossible to explain without Tiger having cheated on his wife and, in all probability, lied about what really happened around the accident.

It is now obvious that an affair started some sort of dispute that either directly or indirectly led to the car accident. In the context of the affair allegations and the police saying there was a domestic dispute, it is ABSOLUTELY LAUGHABLE that Elin actually used a golf club to smash the back window of Tiger’s SUV (a car where the damage was so small that the airbags didn’t deploy! ) in order to “save” Tiger. Barring a photo of the car (which has been mysteriously missing thus far) crumpled like an accordion, this scenario simply makes no sense.

What seems far more likely is that Elin got pissed about the affair, Tiger went to leave, Elin smashed the back of the SUV while Tiger was going down the driveway and THAT is what caused the bizarre accident.

Under the current cover story, how in the world does a sober Tiger Woods run over a fire hydrant coming out of his own driveway?

What the heck was he doing leaving his home at 2:30 am?

Why would Doug Ferguson (Tiger’s pet golf reporter) immediately put out the “cover” that Elin was trying to save Tiger from the crash unless it was part of team Tiger’s attempt to get a remarkably lame (so lame that it just might be true?) false narrative out there?

These are just some of the many questions that need to be answered. Will Tiger be a man and show up at his tournament this week and answer them? I wish I knew. Given his behavior so far, I have my doubts. It seems to me that Tiger is so used to controling the media that he has overplayed his hand here and is in completely uncharted and very uncomfortable territory.

Regardless of the details, Tiger has an enormous amount of explaining to do and this point it seems that not even a God could do so without revealing that they have committed some serious transgressions.

Does anyone want to buy a website?

According to his agent Tiger Woods is “fine” after a bizarre car accidnet outside of his home very late Thanksgiving night. The Mayor of Windermere Florida where Tiger resides has said he was released from the hospital with facial lacerations.

The Paster has always feared an untimely death for our Messiah and since he is 33 (the same age as Jesus was when he was sacrifaced) the danger was even greater this year. We can all be thankful that apparently this dire fate has been dodged.

However, the bigger story is whether this week’s National Enquirer story alledging that Tiger has been unfaithful to his wife may have played an indirect role in this self-inflicted accident.

The Pastor did not believe the story (despite the NE’s good track record on these type of reports) until this accident.

There will clearly be a lot more on this story and it will be very interesting to see which media outlet will be the first to “go there.”

Your prayers for Tiger and his family would obviously be appreciated.