Jesus: Was visited by three “Wise Men” at birth causing the King (Herod) to call for the deaths of all of those in his Kingdom under the age of two.

Tiger: At age of two visited three “Wise Crackers” (Mike Douglas, Bob Hope, and Jimmy Stewart) on TV. Arnold Palmer (the “King”) never won another regular tour event after Tiger’s conception.

Jesus: His birthday is celebrated on December 25th, but no one really knows when he was actually born.

Tiger: His birthday is celebrated on December 30th (a convenient date for an easy calendar switch from A.D. to P.T.) because that is the day he was actually born.

Jesus: There is some confusion about the nature of his conception. According to some Christian sects, his parents never had sex.

Tiger: There is some confusion about the nature of his conception. According to everyone, Tiger’s parents no longer have sex (they don’t live together) and Tiger thanked them at the ESPYs “because I GUESS they created me.”

Jesus: Kind of an “only” child (Bible says he had “brothers and sisters” but Catholics don’t except because it messes up the “virgin” Mary thing).

Tiger: Kind of an “only” child (has two half-brothers and a half sister, but no one ever mentions them because they were Earl’s “practice sent by God as training” for Tiger).

Jesus: When he was alive the people of his time were strictly forbidden to utter the name of Yahweh or Jehovah.

Tiger: Many caddies on the PGA Tour are currently strictly forbidden from uttering the name “Tiger.”

Jesus: Liked to work with wood.

Tiger: Likes to work with metal woods.

Jesus: Was well known for walking long distances while amazing the ever growing crowds with his miraculous actions.

Tiger: Is well known for walking long distances while amazing the ever growing crowds with his miraculous actions.

Jesus: Had a special place in his heart for children.

Tiger: Has a special place in his heart for children.

Jesus: His most important day of the week is Sunday.

Tiger: His most important day of the week is Sunday.

Jesus: Suffered discrimination because of his race.

Tiger: Suffered discrimination because of his race.

Jesus: Grew up “middle class,” money never his goal.

Tiger: Grew up “middle class,” money never his goal.

Jesus: Probably had dark skin.

Tiger: Has dark skin.

Jesus: Liked alliteration in his women (Mary Magdalene).

Tiger: Likes alliteration in his women (Joanna JaGODa).

Jesus: Came after someone else whom everyone at the time thought was the closest thing to God they would ever see (Moses).

Tiger: Came after someone else whom everyone at the time thought was the closest thing to God they would ever see (Nicklaus).

Jesus: Liked to go over water to perform his miracles.

Tiger: Likes to go over water to perform his miracles.

Jesus: Was known to have an explosive temper.

Tiger: Is known to have an explosive temper.

Jesus: Was crucified for claiming to be God.

Tiger: Was verbably crucified for changing his swing.

Jesus: Is said to have risen from the dead.

Tiger: Has risen several times from apparent “death.”

Jesus: Jesus, five letters.

Tiger: Tiger, five letters.

Jesus: Jesus Christ, two syllables, one syllable.

Tiger: Tiger Woods, two syllables, one syllable.

Jesus: Did some of his best work in the desert.

Tiger: Does some of his best work in the desert.

Jesus: Liked to fish, wasn’t a pro.

Tiger: Likes to fish, isn’t a pro.

Jesus: Is known by roughly half the world’s population.

Tiger: Is known by roughly half the world’s population.

Jesus: Media darling.

Tiger: Media darling.

Jesus: He gets his most attention in April every year.

Tiger: He gets his most attention in April every year.

Jesus: Never said he was God, never said he wasn’t.

Tiger: Has never said he is God, never said he isn’t.